You can’t propose marriage when you’re not single!

BISOLA, a divorced mother of two boys was having a good time at “her best friend’s 40th birthday party when James made a play for “her.”I wasn’t really looking for romance,” she said. “After the trauma “I went through in the hands of my excessively jealous and abusive ex, “all I wanted was to have quality time with my children – in peace. Only, “James was an easy-going man and as the evening wore off, I gave him “my details. And so began a very interesting period of my life. James “and I had so much in common. He had three children with his ex-wife “and got on so well with my two.

“Months into our relationship, I still hadn’t met any of his children. “Whenever 1 mentioned meeting them, he would say they were busy, ill “or with their grandparents. It bothered me but 1 tried not to worry“about it. 1 would meet them at the right time, I reasoned.
“When my own 40th birthday loomed, James insisted we had a private “dinner at an expensive restaurant. I could have my friends over the “following week 1 thought, as I got ready for our outing. When we stepped “into the restaurant a shout of ‘surprise’ greeted us. 1 was shocked. “About 20 of my family, friends and colleagues jumped out of nowhere. “I was pleasantly surprised. ‘Happy birthday: James smiled at me and 1 “thanked him with a kiss.
“1 was still on cloud nine when James told everyone we would soon be “getting married. I was dumbfounded. I felt like the happiest woman in “the world as everyone whooped and cheered. As happy as 1 was, there “was one thing threatening my happiness. My dad had a stroke some “weeks back and his recovery wasn’t encouraging. James was my rock. “He picked up the children from school whenever 1 had to look after dad “and even helped around the house. He worked as head of marketing in “a manufacturing firm and whenever he wasn’t visiting any of the firm’s “offices, he would be at my side. I was very grateful for this considerate “man I fell in love with.
“He was a pillar of strength when my dad passed on.

He took an early “annual leave to be by my side up to the time of the funeral. But as time “went on, 1 had time to think about our relationship. 1 knew all about “James’ children and he said he’d told them about me too. So why “couldn’t we meet? 1 certainly didn’t want to be a secret mistress.

We “were at a friend’s get-together when 1 ran into a long lost friend. She called the next day to find out how serious I was with James. I told her “we would be getting married soon. She went quiet for a while.

‘How “could you be getting married when he’s still married?’ When I told her “he was already divorced. she said she didn’t think so. She went to the “same church as James’ wife and they were both in church a few months “ago with their children for the family harvest.
“My friend isn’t the type to spread vicious rumours. So why had James “lied to me? I was livid. I phoned him and screamed. ‘You’ve been with “your wife all along, you rat! Why did you lie to me?’ He tried giving me “excuse after excuse when 1 told him the source of my information.

“We’re only together because we have joint business finances,’ he insisted. “’Honestly darling, I’m planning to divorce her soon.’ But I’d had enough. “1 called my friend to find out if she knew where James and his family lived. She gave me an address and I made up my mind to speak to her to find out the truth. So I got into my car and drove straight to the “address.

“I recognised her as she answered the door. ‘Are you James’ wife?’ I “asked, my heart in my mouth. ‘Yes,’ she replied. ‘And who are you?’ “’I’m his fiancée!’ I cried. ‘I’ve been with him for over two years.’ The look of shock on her face was painful to see. 1 knew she was a victim in this too. James had clearly been playing both of us. I told her everything about my relationship with James. She confirmed the family harvest “outing and said that the word divorce had never been mentioned. ‘He “works away a lot,’ she said, ‘now 1 know what he’s been up to.
“‘Shall we call him?’ I asked. I wanted to be sure she believed me. So “we went and sat in my car and I dialled his number on my hands-free “so she could hear everything we said. When James answered, J told “him 1 knew all about his commitment to his wife. ‘Please darling, we “need to sort this out – it’s you I love,’ he whined. His wife looked furious. “’I’m sitting outside your house, I said.
“‘Are you with anyone?’ he asked sounding panicked ‘yes, your wife,’ “spat James’ wife. With that, the line went dead. He had hung up.
“’Coward!’ 1 raged. His poor wife was devastated. But 1 could sense she “wanted to try and save her marriage. Well, good luck to her.

There was “nothing left to save for me – he had lied to me for over two years! He’d “proposed to me after he’d had a family harvest in his church with his “wife and children.

What had he been thinking? I felt sick at the thought “he’d played happy families with me and my children. I wish I’d never “let him into our life.

“Only, just when I thought I couldn’t take any more, I discovered I was “pregnant. Numb with shock, I called James to tell him.

He said he “would be there for the baby. I wasn’t sure if I believed him, but I was “determined to love our child for the two of us. Only, three months into “the pregnancy, I suffered a miscarriage. I was heartbroken. After that, “I didn’t hear anything more from James. I truly thought I’d found my “happy ending with my perfect man. But it was all a lie.

“I heard James’ still chasing after the girls, and 1 doubt he will ever “change. Scheming rats like him never do.”

An Old Vixen! (Humour)

A man is queuing at a supermarket checkout. He turns to the lady “behind him and asks: ‘How old do you think 1 am?’ About 40, she “replied. ‘No’, he says. ‘I’m 57’. He then goes into the bank. Reaching “the cashier, he asks: ‘How old do you think I am?’ ‘Oh, about 45?’, she “guesses. ‘No,’ he says. ‘I’m 57’.

Next he visits the chemist. He turns to a little old lady behind him and “asks: ‘How old do you think I am?’
‘I can tell exactly how old you are,’ she says, ‘but 1 have to put my hand “down your trousers.

Ok’, he replies, intrigued. So the little old lady puts her hand down the “front of his trousers, has a good old feel. and says: ‘You’re 57.’ ‘How did “you know that?’ The man asks, astonished. She replies: ‘I was behind “you in the queue at the bank’.

A Gigolo At What Price? (Humour)
A woman stops to talk to a handsome man who’s standing alone at a “bus stop. ‘Hello.’ she smiles. ‘I must say you’re about the most “handsome man I’ve ever seen.’ Thank you very much’, the man replies. “’So, I was wondering’, the woman continues, “Would you sleep with me “for N2 million?’
“N2 million,” the man gasps. He slowly looks her up and down, then “thinks for a moment and replies: ‘Yes, I would sleep with you for N2 “million’, ‘Ok, how about for ten thousand Naira?’ the woman fires back. “’Ten thousand Naira!’ he exclaims indignantly. ‘What kind of a man do “you thin I am?
“Well, we’ve already determined that”, she says. ‘Now we’re just haggling “over the price.

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